You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
