just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
