"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
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