can we get nightvision for the apartment?
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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