i always forget guys have bellybuttons
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
