I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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