So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Randomize
