Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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