I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Randomize
