never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
