Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
