Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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