Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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