yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
