you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
