operation harelip BJ is a go
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
