wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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