He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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