i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Randomize
