Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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