Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
