I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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