why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
operation have a gay friend backfired
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
