I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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