Your tits are I can't wait for
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
