if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
