Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
