all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
