why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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