I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
