The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
