At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
