flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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