Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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