Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
