obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
