So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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