So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
