i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Michael Bay diarrhea
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Randomize
