I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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