Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
