That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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