everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
