you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I am one with the molecules
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
