I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I wish they made helmets for livers.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
