You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
