I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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