Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
