even my farts smell like vagina
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
