hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
