I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
