Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Drunk is not a location!
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
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