I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
