Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
