my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
