Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
